WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
