youre lurking in front of me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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