This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
