I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
