I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
