i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
