you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
