Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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