so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
