I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
