After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
