Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
