Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
