just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
