its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
