i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
