worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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