I hate all girls vehemently.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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