it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
