On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
