If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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