wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
