What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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