She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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