Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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