But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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