i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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