I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
