she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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