Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
