Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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