What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
