you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
