My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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