its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
