saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
