i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
