So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
