I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
