You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
