Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
