i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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