peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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