does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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