she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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