i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
