there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
