Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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