woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
