My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
